Annoyances we hate coming home to

By | Category: Travel rumblings

it's the washing the ironing and the milk

Such is title of a press release from Owners Direct that landed in my in-tray yesterday. If you don’t like coming home to things, don’t holiday at all. Just do day-trips but then Owners Direct would rapidly go into liquidation if its customers followed that advice!

Gripes that returning holidaymakers made included returning to work and a mass of emails; putting up with the unpredictable British weather and unpacking suitcases full of dirty washing and sandy shoes. All of these are easily solved. On returning to work, press the mass delete key on your computer and instantly remove all e-mails except those, of course, from CD-Traveller. Firstly you should have organised cover so someone else should have answered your work e-mails unless you lack enough self-confidence to let others see what you haven’t done or are too paranoid, thinking that others would see how little you did so you’d be afraid of getting fired. If anyone asks, say it must have been sent to your spam and you don’t check that every day!

If you object to the nature of our weather then maybe you haven’t lived here long enough. Or maybe you missed the hot weather we had for the last few weeks? It’s what made more of us stay at home rather than book abroad with companies like Owners Direct!

And if you have returned with dirty washing then you obviously haven’t planned things properly. You should have taken old clothes that you could have thrown away before you took the plane back thus leaving you more room for tacky souvenirs that, now you’re home, you are wondering why you ever bought. Or you could have allowed more money in the budget and had your clothes cleaned by room service. And if you went self-catering why didn’t you wash them yourselves?

Linked to this is the complaint that there is a pile of ironing now to do. You should have done what I did. Buy only clothes marked that they are wrinkle free. They aren’t but at least you can walk around telling people you are quality checking new ranges of clothing and this one has failed the wrinkle-free test.

Perhaps the easiest complaint to answer is that of people who say they returned to find no milk in the fridge for a cup of tea. You’d have been even more annoyed if you had returned and found it had gone off and your fridge was reeking! Are these people too lazy to drop by a garage on the way back and pick up a pint? If they are, let them drink it black!

It seems there are even some people who come back and have to clean up the mess their pets made whilst they were away. Who leaves pets to run wild when they go away for a week or two? Around here the RSPCA would be down on them like a ton of bricks. What are kennels and catteries for? What are relations for if not to look after your goldfish and hamsters whilst you holiday? If you didn’t arrange anything of the sort then you deserve a few weeks in the slammer on bread and gruel or whatever they feed you in Wandsworth Scrubs these days.

It’s obvious that the only people who replied to this survey are those who cannot organise themselves, who cannot plan, are paranoid at work and who hate animals. And do we really care what they think?

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